For any who have taken the courses from Financial Peace University, or ever listened to “The Dave Ramsey Show,” you have heard Dave speak jokingly of the female’s “security gland.” Dave states that when this gland tightens, it affects a woman’s face – becoming tight and twisted, showing the unsecurity she feels within. A couple of weeks ago, I inadvertantly discovered my wife has a freedom gland. This gland has NOTHING to do with security.
While taking the course last year, I thought surely I would be the “free spirit,” visualizing myself struggling against being held captive by a restrictive budget. That budget being restrictive down to the zero bottom line was the only way we were ever going to have a better life, for God and for our family. So I bought into this idea that the little guy could actually do something he dreamed of – with hard work. I wanted to believe the little guy was NOT limited by his circumstances and he could retire comfortably one day, IF he wanted too.
My wife followed my lead and our lives began to change, not overnight, but faithfully and steadily. The more faithful we were, the more debt was paid off. But we were gazelle intense - we were angry with our debt, we were putting every free dollar we had towards debt, and over time it began to wear. With each month’s new budget, I could feel her resistance coming on stronger, she was having a hard time digesting that every dollar was going out the door with a purpose, but with little wiggle room. She was patiently supportive, but I knew something was not right, and I refused to feel as though I was doing this without the love of my life for the next 2 years (the time it would take for us to be out of debt).
We talked and talked and talked some more; we even cried a little bit together. We came to realize that she didn’t want money just to blow, she wanted to fix some things up around the house. Money for the house, maybe for some paint, or bath towels, or just a few new shirts for the boys every now and then. She also realized that I did NOT want to put any more money on major house projects for this place we will not be staying in forever and I would rather use that money toward debt, so we can get a NEW house. So we agreed, she keeps supporting me in our debt snowball, and I give up $100 of my debt money to do whatever she wants to with.
It was amazing the difference! Last week, my wife ran into an old friend who is trying the “Dave Ramsey Diet” and she said she was having difficulty getting started…the budget just seems so tight. My wife said, “I know what you mean, this is the first month we’ve done our budget and not cried afterwards. It was a tremendous testimony of her faithfulness to me, and to our plans, and to her friend. She’s cried to do this and KEEPS ON DOING IT! Now, she’s freely doing it, with a good, supportive attitude that makes her beauty shine. The freedom gland I discovered has relaxed, and all I did was give her a little wiggle room. One hundred dollars…who would have thought. It will take a little longer to pay off that debt, but it’s worth it to have the FULL support of my wife.
You nerds who are gazelle intense, even if your spouse is supportive, don’t take advantage of it. Let your actions speak louder than words.
What a wonderful post! Man, do I feel her pain. We had a failed business 5 years ago that put us in a deep hole, and we have been living below the poverty level since to pull out of it without going bankrupt. As long as I had $5-10 dollars a month that I could save or spend on cheeseburgers, my life was a little brighter. We are getting closer, and God is blessing so we have quite a bit more wiggle room now. God had to amputate my “security gland” through midnight panic attacks and much tears and sweat! I haven’t felt it act up in a while, but that doesn’t mean it won’t! I am grateful of the lesson debt taught both me and my husband. We have a stronger marriage and faith because of it.