Defeating Daily Despair….

The holiday season has ended….
The Christmas tree still stands without it’s trimmings because we just haven’t quite finished taking it down. The gingerbread house sits in an empty trashcan because Karen was sweet enough to take out the trash this morning. Otherwise it would have balanced precariously on an overflowing trashcan. I probably should have taken the whole colorful mess to the bin outside, but why? The kitchen trash was empty and was right there. Now the trashcan is full…because of the gingerbread house…sigh….I’ll take it out later.  These are the half made decisions of someone who is lazy, but in my head, I’m not lazy, I’m not this person that I see, not in my spirit, am I?

“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” – James 5:16.  I want to be a righteous man who’s prayers avail much, so I confess my sins to my brothers and sisters in Christ. 

Since the holidays have ended, nearly every day I remember feeling dread when I wake up. That’s not right. As a Christian, that’s not the way it should be. The Word of God commands us to “rejoice always.” Jesus Himself says, “come to Me you who are weak and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”  Well I feel heavy laden A LOT. I wear a lot of responsibility…at least I think I do.  I’m a manager over a warehouse, a leader in my church, I volunteer quite a bit, I do a lot for God, I love Him, He loves me and that’s why I do it.  So why do I dread?  Why do I fear?  It’s not right, something’s off and I know it.  Does this sound familiar?

This year I made quite a few resolutions and have absolutely not done a single one that I’ve said I would.  “Lose weight,” nope, thinking I may be going the opposite direction, but still working on it.  “Get organized,” my office looks like it has exploded.  Really, it’s embarrassing.  “Eat at the dinner table with the kids,” it’s the 10th, maybe I’ve eaten once with the family, hey I’m a busy guy.  Sound depressing?  It does to me. 

One new year resolution I want to keep:  STOP waking up afraid.  STOP dreading the life that is mine and that the Lord has blessed me with.  It isn’t right, and my fear is sin.  So I want to repent of that sin, I want to take steps to fix it, some might work, some might not, but the kingdom of God is at hand and I want to show works that show my repentance. 

Here’s just a few things I plan on doing to help accomplish this goal.

1.  Wake up and pray.  Pray for those who may feel like me when they wake up, my loving friends who right now find it hard to get up.  Let my first thoughts be GOD.  That’s GOD as in LORD GOD, not using his name in vain…even though I’m not a morning person.  Don’t forget the coffee.  Stop being so down on myself for not getting up earlier than I would have ever got up…I can start doing that when I’m old enough that my body just does it naturally.

2.  Remember to take my medicine.  The Lord blessed us with doctors for a reason, use what they recommend.  Luke was a doctor…I like Luke.  Lexapro is my friend.

3.  Read a devotion every day before I start work.  I have found “My Utmost For His Highest” to be perfect for this.  It doesn’t take long, but man, is it profound.  It MUST be done.

4.  Exercise more, ride the stationary bike when I get home for 20 minutes.  I asked the doctor once if there were any foods I could eat that would give the same chemical to my body that my antidepressants provide.  Remarkably, he said that exercise is really the only thing that releases seratonin, the chemical that the brain needs.  Wow!  Exercise!  I hate exercise!  But I don’t think God made our bodies to sit around all day long, so exercise it will be.

5.  Write this stuff down.  Someone told me I was pretty good at writing once, I think I’ll start doing it more.  Maybe write some progress in “defeating daily despair…”  I have a couple more thoughts about yesterday’s devotion on Psalm 139.  I’m so thankful the Lord knows me like He does.

6.  Read an uplifting devotional just before bed.  I firmly believe that Jesus Christ more than likely did a ton of laughing as a person, not like looney toon mind you, but as a person who people were comfortable around.  People followed him by the droves, would children have loved him if he was the sullen, quiet guy we see in the paintings all the time?

Well, it’s not a perfect list, but it’s there, and it’s a start.  Jesus said we could have life more abundantly.  I don’t think our wallets will be fat because of that verse, but I think our mental health should be.  I love the Lord so much, along with my family and my church family.  Life is to short to dread every day.  It is time to overcome and conquer.  To be a “glass half full” kind of guy – Deuteronomy 31:6.

Off With Their Heads! Or Maybe Just Slaves…Which is Worse?

If the giants came out of the camp and drew the battle lines yesterday, they crossed the line and brought their army to fight alongside them today.  People say “it’s gonna get worse before it gets better…” and that phrase drives me crazy; probably because it often proves to be true.  And so it seems that James, the brother of Jesus, one of the first of the twelve to be martyred, decided to address this issue – “count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  I’ve heard many think that just when they couldn’t take anymore-BAM!!!   Something else knocks them flat on their rear.  I personally pray for a couple that I wonder sometimes how they continue on….

Still, I wrestle with this idea of having joy in suffering, joy because of suffering, joy with suffering or anything else that combines the word joy and suffering.  Today I was reading a story in 2 Chronicles 12, where Rehoboam, the son of Solomon chose against serving the Lord and gave his service to other gods and other kingdoms.  As judgement, God sent Shishak, king of Egypt, against  Rehoboam with twelve hundred chariots and sixty thousand horsemen.  God sends the prophet Shemaiah to Rehoboam in mercy with the message: “you abandoned me, so I have abandoned you to the hand of Shishak.”  Rehoboam repents, as he should, and God says with amazing mercy and grace, “they have humbled themselves, so I will not destroy them, but I will grant them some measure of deliverance, and My wrath shall not be poured out on Jerusalem by means of Shishak, they will instead become his slaves so that they may learn the difference between my service and the service of the kingdoms of the countries.”  So…in mercy, after repentence, after they see the error of their ways before God, punishment is still coming….how would I feel if I were Rehoboam and the people of Jerusalem?

We fail to recognize how great a mercy that God showed us when he sent us Jesus Christ, and how now he considers us heirs with Him when we repent of our sins.

How would I feel?  At first, I would probably feel, “that’s not fair.”  And I would be right, God would have every right to destroy me, humble repentence or not – I sinned, and that’s justice.  Second thoughts?  Rehoboam was having a BAD day – A REALLY BAD DAY!  Nevertheless, God was merciful to him and his people.  In the end, God was setting out to work in Rehoboam’s life, he wanted Rehoboam to learn something, that there is a difference between serving God and serving others, and he will learn the joy between the two.   Rehoboam was eventually going to learn joy through suffering and God would be glorified through destruction of people or slaves of people, justice would be served or mercy would be given.

So when I look at my life, the giants that have risen about me, the problems that never seem to stop and there seems very little rest; have I considered if God has been glorified someway through it?  Has my attitude been humble towards Him?  Glory belongs to the Lord – whether I’ve had a bad day or a good day – problems or not.  I love the Lord, and I want Him to be glorified in my life…even with the suffering.

Honoring God When It Hurts Most

In the Sunday school class I’ve been attending for the past three weeks, we’ve been talking about honoring God.  So far one of the main ideas that have been learned, discussed, and reinforced is the thought of honoring God in “the little things.”  Sounds pretty simple doesn’t it?  One would go, “duh!” to such a thought; but as I’ve found out this week, when it starts hurting, it’s easier said than done.

I’m a firm believer that a person has to have a shift of paradigm; a change in their vantage point (this has been discussed in the Sunday school class as well) must take place before anyone will change their actions for good or bad.  Though I’ve understood this concept and been able to see where it has been applied in my own life to things like personal finance and smoking; I also must admit there are everyday actions and behavior that I’ve not applied this concept to. 

There are some habits that we have that are not necessarily sinful, but they are also not necessarily good either.  Let me use myself as an example.  I have a coworker who knows my moods.  At least, she thinks she does.  And for the most part, she’s right, she knows I like coffee in the mornings, and she thinks enough about me (or God) to have a fresh pot of coffee brewing when I get there.  I usually don’t say much when I come in, and it takes me a while to get woke up, when I finally do come out of my grogginess, my mood improves and the rest of the day is usually quite pleasant.  I like my job and I like the people I work with so being in a good mood is usually not that difficult.  But that habit of being unpleasant in the morning just because I haven’t had my second cup of coffee yet has become a hard habit to break.  And what happens when the mood doesn’t improve?  What if someone says something in the wrong tone while I’m reinforcing my habit?  Or says nothing at all and I think they should?  The results can become disasterous, and in the end, sinful because others can be hurt by what the apostle James calls a tongue of fire.  Who’d have thought I could be half asleep and have a tongue on fire!  (Okay, that was corny, but it does make a funny mental picture)  Either way, I hope I’ve made my point, my paradigm has changed, my point of view.  It is no longer acceptable to be in a bad mood just because its early.  It doesn’t bring honor to God. 

Our God, Lord and Savior deserves more than what I give him and so…enough is enough with this bad habit, and others, but that’s for another blog.

A Most Embarrassing Moment With My Spouse

Tonight a memory came to me that I haven’t thought of in a long time.  I’m not one to rehash the past, but it fell right in line with the thoughts I had after church tonight.  This, coincidently, just happened to be the same Sunday as the Super Bowl.

 

This memory starts on a Sunday morning.  I’m tired because I’m sure I stayed up too late the night before.  My wife Karen, who loves me and my children dearly, is also tired because I’m sure I stayed up too late the night before.  It’s approximately 8:00 am, I really should be getting up, church will be starting soon and I really should be there.  But my stomach hurts, I think (I always have a stomach ache when I don’t have enough sleep), and I think God will understand me calling in sick once.  Only, I’m not really sick, not really, I just want to stay in bed a little longer.  I roll over and put my arm around my wife, who IS getting up, and I’m not going to be able to convince her to stay with me.  I tell her I don’t feel well (a little white lie) and I’m not planning to go to church this morning.  She looks disappointed and says “okay” as she’s getting dressed in a hurry.  In a flash she’s gone to dress the children.  That kind of surprises me because I figured if she was in as big of a hurry as she seems to be she’ll leave the kids.  The kids are tired too, but they also are dressed and look pretty good as they head out the door as Karen gathers up the last of what she needs for the morning.  I’m still laying there in bed when she comes in one last time to barely give me a cold peck on my cheek.  “Ya know,” she said, “our boys need to be in church.  I’m going to take them, and I wish you were going too, since you are their father and my husband.”  Then she left.

 

I knew what she meant with that last statement.  I was the man of this home.  I’m supposed to be the spiritual leader; I should be waking her up and dragging her out the door.  I should be showing the children how important it is to assemble with our friends and family in Christ Jesus and worshiping him in spirit and in truth.  But here I was, lying in bed, my spouse charging out of the home, running to Jesus, tearfully that her husband refuses to join her.  I was mad at first; she made me look like a fool.  I usually go to church, don’t I deserve a break?  Then I thought back and realized my church attendance lately was hit and miss at the very best.  But how dare she talk to me like that!  I am the man of the house, aren’t I?  But my conscience told me if I were, I’d be in that car, taking my family to church.  I was mortified.  That morning my lack of enthusiasm to take my rightful place as man of the home and meet Jesus, where so many others would gather together in His name, embarrassed me.  Knowing that Christ was the reason to be there, I was ashamed.  My spouse had shown me up because she obeyed the Lord.

 

As the church, we are the bride of Christ, the bible teaches this truth in more than one passage.  Yet as Christ’s spouse, are we still lying in bed, making excuses as to why not to go and see Him?  Take this illustration metaphorically or literally, neither way is good.  When in the world did it become okay NOT to go meet Jesus with our faithful brothers and sisters in Christ?  We are His bride, and yet use His grace and goodness as a constant excuse to lie in bed and complain that we are so tired, or we are so sick, or we are so sick and tired.  Of what, can I ask, sick and tired of what?  Think about it, doesn’t Christ tell us to come to Him, we who are weak and heavy laden?  What exactly are we so tired of or sick of that we can’t come to Christ, our husband to see Him and be with Him, as He’s promised He is there with us?

 

Recently I’ve heard two people comment that it is rather normal, in these days, for a church to have a high attendance on Sunday mornings and yet have extremely low attendance in comparison on Sunday nights and Wednesday nights.  One of these folks, mercifully, said that Sunday nights may be the only time church members have to relax after a stressful week of work, not to mention a stressful Saturday of running kids back and forth to different sports games and events.  I’m trying to picture it, me standing before Christ, explaining that after a week of trying to get money to pay for more stuff that will probably take my attention away from Him…eh, maybe not.

 

Why does His bride, His church, the one people on the earth that claim to love Him the most, avoid Him like the plague after one gathering?  If we love Him as much as we claim to shouldn’t we be breaking our necks to get into His presence?  Shouldn’t we be lining up to be in His service?  Why do we constantly make excuses as to why we shouldn’t be there and mistake his mercy for winking at our complacency?  Christ said He vomited us out because we are not cold nor hot!  It’s time for some kind of revival; it’s time for repentance, in our church and in our nation.

Repent! The Rally Cry of a Cowboy in the “Autumn” of His Life

Church services were different today.  I’m not sure if it was the crashing of our projector computer, or the fact that both our pastor and associate pastor were away visiting family for the holidays, or even the fact that we had two laymen preaching today’s messages, but things were…different, and that was a good thing.  Tonight’s message focused on the simple message of a cowboy who admittedly is in the “autumn” of his life.  He knows he doesn’t have much longer to go before meeting the Lord, and that’s alright by him.  The fact of the matter is, Wes Ramsey has been working on sanctification for most of his life, it’s a slow process he says, and that was refreshing to hear, since I’m just now seeing the importance of being clean before God ON A DAILY BASIS.  It made me happy that just because I don’t see as much progress as I’d like to see in my spiritual life, Wes is still working on his too.  An interesting thing he said tonight, and I’ve heard him say it before…that this nation needs to “return to Holiness.”  And in order to do that, we must do what Christ preached when he started his ministry, and John the Baptist preached as the forerunner to Christ, and prophets of old preached to their nation when it had fallen to adultery and idolatry.  We must repent!  Repent from what?  Sin obviously…duh.  But what kind of sin?  I think I can safely say, you name it, we probably need to repent of it. “That’s judgemental” you say?  Maybe…maybe not.  Consider for a moment that I’m not being judgemental, that there really is something in YOUR life that is not pleasing to God, don’t worry about MY life, and whether or not I’m judging.  Why don’t you (and I say this in love to ANYONE reading) sit down, SHUT UP, and consider that there may be sin in your life that you aren’t aware of.  I bet it’s in an area of your life you would never have imagined.  The Pharisees and Saducees of Jesus’ day weren’t ugly demon folks, they were “good” people who believed they were in the right most of the time because they followed God’s law and the traditions they made to help God’s law.  Sound familiar?  Don’t we do the same thing day after day?  Thinking we’re right because we live by the Bible and man’s traditions of church?  Sure it started out as sincerity to God, but it has turned into hypocricy and idol worship.  Repent! For once, repent of being a “Christian” and start being a person who just loves God and wants to follow HARD after Christ.  Maybe we start seeing ourselves as “lost” instead of just assumming we’re part of the fold.  Repent of being just another drone.

“Shaken to the Core” – by what?

An emotional Oprah Winfrey said Monday she had been “shaken to the core” by sexual abuse claims at her elite girls’ school in South Africa, calling the episode one of the most devastating of her life. (AFP – Fran Blandy)

The unfortunate events at Oprah’s school surely is a tragedy. I’m sure Oprah has taken it hard within. Surely she must be thinking what else she may have been able to do. Why did she not take better precautions that these children which she so carefully and painstakingly selected to be part of this school? Surely she even feels somewhat responsible…so she does what anyone in her position and wielding her power and money would do…clean house.

Oprah stated herself she was “shaken to the core.” I got to thinking about this statement. I wondered what the Bible said about being “shaken,” especially when it came to the “core” or, to the best I can understand it, the spirit. This is one of the verses I found. Notice what shakes this prophet of God when he finds that Israel is riddled with false prophets who are NOT of God:

My heart within me is broken
Because of the prophets;
All my bones shake.
I am like a drunken man,
And like a man whom wine has overcome,
Because of the LORD,
And because of His holy words.

Jeremiah 23:9

God’s Holy words are what shakes men, they break men’s hearts. And the realization of God’s Holiness and our unholiness (if we take a look at who we truly are and our motivations, i.e. the “why” we live) are what makes us as men and women that wine has overcome. We sob like drunkards and all our bones shake when faced with God’s nature and words.

For all of Oprah’s good deeds, good nature, good money, charity and willingness to make a difference in unfortunate people’s lives, this gesture of hope in South Africa has been marred by the human condition. Sin crept in as it always does, and now, Oprah is “shaken to the core.” It makes me wonder if those words, sounding as sincere as they may be, might be somewhat misplaced.

Maybe Oprah truly selected the best of the best, those she trusted implicitly with those children and found herself as Jeremiah did seeing a Holy God being misrepresented by false prophets. Oprah’s school is suddenly misrepresented and her wrath comes down on all teachers there and she cleans house. If she could do this feeling “shaken”, what will God do who is not shaken? Even those who will not claim God’s name; but rather the power of the human spirit, know the meaning of justice. May we all be “shaken” by the right things:God Himself and His Words before we ourselves must face true justice.

Why ask “Why”?

Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified.

2 Corinthians 13:5

“Why ask why?”  Because it could be the most important question you ask in life.  As I’ve tried to share in my testimony, I grew up in church.  There was always so much “do and do not” I very rarely asked why I was doing and not doing.  Before too long, I got the right “dos” and I got approval.  I loved it!  Approval from parents, family and friends.  I loved being a good kid, so I continued doing the right thing.  My intentions were not to be doing the right thing for the wrong reasons, but somehow, life just turned out that way.  About two years ago, I started getting convicted everytime I heard or read (later I just ended up dwelling on) the scripture Matthew 7:21-23.  By that scripture I realized that you can be in Heaven and still be rejected by the Lord and be SURPRIZED about it!  I began to wonder if I was one of those who the Lord would reject, saying He never knew me.  I imagined myself, standing there, saying, “I’ve done so much for you Lord.”  And the Lord saying, “depart from me, I never knew you.”  I had to examine myself, my heart, my motives, and I realized that none of what I had ever done (no matter who thought what I did was good) was ever for the Lord, it was for me.  I made myself the “hub” of the Christian wheel.  I realized, quite suddenly that the “why” I was doing things was so much more important than WHAT I was doing and how I was doing things.  Doing the right thing just because it was the right thing was no longer right.  I was a pharisee, a hypocrite, and I would have died and went to hell had I had an accident that night.  At that moment, driving home from work, I asked the Lord to please save me, please forgive my empty, petty, motives for “doing right” in life and to please help me from that point on, and to finally, once and for all, be my Lord.  Wherever He leads, I’ll follow.

I ask these questions because I went through them in life myself:  Did someone tell you, “all you have to do is say this prayer and you’ll go to Heaven?”  Did you get saved at a church camp maybe or at a church alter when you went to the front and said a prayer because your friends or family were around and they wanted you to “accept Jesus into your heart”?  Did you make some kind of emotional decision?  Maybe you should examine yourself too?  I did, and I have no doubts who my Lord is, and I think if more Christians would see Jesus as Lord and “examine themselves” they’d finally start seeing themselves as God wants them too.  Truthfully, honestly, in need of Him. 

Confessions: Sinful Pride Unveiled

I’ve been doing a lot of self evaluation these days.  I’ve been reading through and praying through a book called “Returning to Holiness: A Personal and Churchwide Journey to Revival.”  I never knew the threat of “hidden” sin.  In the past few days I’ve found that it can hinder my walk with God nearly to a standstill.  I have found one of my unconfessed sins to be crushing to me, and the more I think of it, the more sense it makes that it would.  My sin is pride.  If anyone has talked to me the past few days-they know this.  I have been irritable and not at all easy to get along with.  I’ve been confrontational and defensive on issues that shouldn’t be issues at all.  I started this ”journey” because I knew some things weren’t setting right with me in my life.  I’ve held grudges inwardly and embarrass easily.  It didn’t take but about a week into the book when the Holy Spirit began convicting of the major problem.

The book began asking questions like:  “Do you often criticize and judge others?”  “Do you think yourself quite spiritual?”  “Are you frequently trying to set others straight?” or “Do you have a “holier than thou attitude?”  

The stone of God’s conviction hit me straight between the eyes.   Do I criticize others?  I wouldn’t have admitted a couple of weeks ago, but yes, inwardly, in my mind…I do.  Do I think myself quite spiritual?  Yes…I do.  I’ve often compared myself to others, maybe not outwardly, but I have thought myself quite spiritual.  Now that I think of it, so did the pharisees, and Jesus Christ didn’t approve them at all.  Do I have a “holier than thou” attitude?  Let me ask you what you think?  If you know me, do I come off that way?  For those that do feel that way, I’m so sorry, you are absolutely right and if I’ve ever made you feel bad because I was staring down my pharisitical nose at you, I hope you’ll forgive me.  My heart is never to hurt, but I’ve realized that I may have, because I thought myself “quite spiritual.”  It is not Christ’s way to have his children be “holier than thou” it is Christ’s will that his children be Holy.  That’s what I’m attempting to do, and I hope that anyone reading will pray with me on this issue.  Pride, I’ve realized, is a very subtle sin; and I often do not realize when I’m being prideful.  I pray that my attitude will quickly change as I’ve repented of it.